he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
