You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
