tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
