She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
