Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
