I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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