We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
