This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
