when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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