i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
