I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
