I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
