how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
