ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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