no, he came in my armpit
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
