oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
worst night to have a conscience
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
