did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
