Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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