It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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