No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
