I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
