she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
