I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I deserve this hangover.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
