i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
