Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
