i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize