I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
