have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
