My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
