i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
