I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
