theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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