i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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