I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
