I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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