my phone needs a breathalizer
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
