I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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