took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
