I wannas sexs uuuuu
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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