I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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