6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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