My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize