i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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