my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
