I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
