I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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