Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize