He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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