We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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