I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
