drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
