We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
