normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
