Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
