Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
