My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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