I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
