So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
