I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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