Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(972): View more from Texas

Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?

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(478): View more from Georgia

tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid

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(561): View more from Florida

definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?

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(705): View more from Ontario

I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out

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(716): View more from New York

Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases

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(937): View more from Ohio

do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

You're a hot mess, you know that?

(1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.

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