you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize