nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
