Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
