god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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