there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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