My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
