my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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