He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize