when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
