I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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