He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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