am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize