No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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