brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
