I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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