watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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