I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
