I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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