just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
