What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
