Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
