Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I don't think brook has ever known best
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
