You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
