How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
