let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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