Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
