drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
