Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
