I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
