I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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