just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize