Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
they're like a gay fantastic four
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
