spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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