Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
