Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
