Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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