It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
