If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
