I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i wish my penis had a tongue
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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