I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
