think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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