never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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